I came across this post "A mom describes her tween son's brain. It's a must-read for all parents" the other day and I thought it was fantastic and worth sharing (see link below).
In the midst of the frustrations trying to manage a tweens behaviour, while also trying to manage our own emotions as a result, we often forget (or for that matter don't understand) as a parent, what their little bodies and minds are going through. I do so much work with clients of all ages on managing BIG emotions; however, this article reminded me to look at what is going on in the brain of my own wonderful little tween.
Adolescence is a time of huge growth and development inside a tween and teenagers brain. Unfortunately for both them and us as parents, the front part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) develops last. The prefrontal cortex is the thinking and decision-making part of the brain, responsible for their ability to plan and think about the consequences of actions, solve problems and control impulses. Because the prefrontal cortex is still developing, tweens and teens often rely on a part of the brain called the amygdala to make decisions and solve problems. The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for our emotions, impulses, aggression and instinctive behaviour. When we know this, it helps us to better understand why our tweens and teens 'do what they do' and 'act how they act' and as a consequence, hopefully respond to them in a different manner.
As the parent in the article wrote, we talk to our children about the physical changes that take place in their body during puberty and prepare them for that; however, like me, I didn't talk to my daughter about the amazing changes taking place in her brain. She, like the boy in the article has often said to me 'mommy I don't know why I reacted like that'. We can on one hand look at it as bad or unacceptable behaviour and discipline in a certain way as a result, or we can look at it another way, with more understanding, but also as an opportunity for her to take responsibility for her actions, make amends and as a consequence learn and grow.
So, since reading this article I have sat down with my beautiful tween (who can press every one of my buttons!) and I have talked to her about the changes taking place in her brain. I have let her know that I will do my best to understand and help her through this process and will do my best to not react like I often react to unacceptable behaviour; however she must take responsibility for her actions too. With the two of us armed with this knowledge, I hope it will help us on our journey ahead....(fingers crossed, holding my breath and covering my eyes...LOL!!!).
Thanks for reading.
Sharon x
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